Law Practice
Aug. 25, 2001
Emotional Baggage
Negotiations are multidimensional. Inexperienced negotiators, however, often focus primarily on the substantive matters, such as the costs and benefits of one offer over another and how to divide the pot of gold.
Negotiations are multidimensional. Inexperienced negotiators, however, often focus primarily on the substantive matters, such as the costs and benefits of one offer over another and how to divide the pot of gold. They often ignore the emotional interactions between the parties to the negotiation. This is a formula for disaster. Effective negotiators never forget that their role is both as a stakeholder and a psychologist.
Every person at the negotiating table not only wants to maximize his or her monetary outcome, they also hold a personal and emotional stake in the outcome. Everyone comes to the table with emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, enthusiasm, shame, indignation, embarrassment, hope, curiosity, hopelessness or frustration. Sometimes these feelings stem from the person's private life.
Regardless of their origin, however, these emotions should be taken seriously by negotiators as they often influence decisions to continue the negotiations, storm out of the room, push harder for a goal or agree.
Here are a few basic rules to follow in dealing with the underlying emotional currents alive in all negotiations.
• Look for and use emotional signals. Emotional signals range from the obvious, such as angry outbursts, interruptions and shows of disrespect, to less obvious looks of disgust, annoyance, surprise and relief. These emotional signals give effective negotiators information about how the negotiation is progressing and can be used to your advantage.
Remember, however, that he or she may be faking the emotions. Watch for more than one source of emotional expression, such as body posture, tone of voice or facial expression, before making any assumptions about this person's emotions.
If the other side exhibits stronger-than-expected emotions to a proposal, focus your questions on that area. This could signal that the other side has concerns that you don't know about.
• Identify the cause of the emotion. Do not fear the expression of emotions or avoid dealing with them. Ignoring outbursts could undermine the whole negotiation.
Look beneath the expressed emotion to the message being sent. Flashes of anger expressed by the other side could be a signal that something has gone awry. Angry behavior often is triggered by a perceived lack of consideration for their concerns. You need to understand and address the cause of the anger.
If you take the time to look beneath the outward manifestation of the emotion, you can use it to your advantage. Ask yourself what message is being sent or whether it is a reaction to something said or whether it expresses frustration with the way the negotiation is proceeding.
One question that is often an effective barometer for the emotional temperature is, "Are your concerns being addressed in this negotiation?" The answer combined with other signals can give you better insight into their world.
• Go to the balcony. This is a term often used in mediations and arbitrations but is also appropriate in any negotiation context. It means, step back from the situation and pretend you are standing in the balcony and watching the negotiations on a stage. You will be able to see things differently if you are an observer rather than a participant.
This is also a time to decompress by taking a break from the intensity and stress of the negotiation. Use this time to put things into perspective or take your mind off the situation by doing something unrelated to it, such as calling a spouse or friend or going on a quick walk.
Linda Bulmash, an attorney, a full-time mediator with ADR Services in Century City and a recognized negotiation expert and trainer, can be reached at linda@bulmash.com.
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