How to get through a divorce in the spotlight

Society, as a whole, is infatuated with celebrities and fame. They entertain, fascinate and, sometimes, inspire us. And they can become our heroes. We follow their ups and downs daily in the gossip magazines, TMZ and all over social media.

So the spotlight is on them both at work and when they're being chased by paparazzi doing the grocery run and on vacation with the family. Some of my actor clients confirm that this gets intense. And, naturally, those pressures can trickle down into their home life and marriages. California has long been called a Divorce Capital of the U.S. and this is by no means an accident. It feels like every week there is news of another Hollywood power couple calling it quits - the latest is Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor after 17 years of marriage.

Celebrities are a special breed when it comes to divorce. Because you are feted on the red carpet definitely doesn't mean you're going to have a smooth ride with your divorce. And just because you can afford the most expensive family law attorneys in town doesn't mean you'll be getting the best advice.

Attorneys who represent stars must be available to their famous clients almost around the clock. If, as happens, a client is on a movie set in Europe then we accommodate their schedule. No excuses.

Celebrities are often used to winning, being a success at the box office. But divorce isn't necessarily about winning. It's more about moving forward with your life with dignity.

My top five suggestions for surviving a celebrity divorce are:

1. Emotions are expensive and attorneys are not supposed to be your therapist. That is not to say that I am unsympathetic. Quite to the contrary. There are days when I do more handholding and listening then actual legal work. However, I also believe in the firm approach. Clients, especially celebrity clients, need to be able to separate the emotions of divorce from the business aspect of the process. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is of the most recent cases that is the example of the raw emotions becoming the next news cycle. Mediation or collaborative divorce may be an option. I don't like labels but if it's possible that both sides can work out a settlement without going to court then that should be something to aim for.

2. Must listen to the professionals. Celebrities, more than regular Joes, let their egos get in the way. Like it or not, good attorneys exist for a reason. For a variety of reasons, whether it is their hectic schedule, or just the sense of entitlement, a lot of celebrities are sheltered from having to deal with the mundane everyday obligations like paying household bills. Most delegate the mundane to their agents and managers. The problem I've encountered over and over again is convincing celebrity clients to participate more in their own affairs. I am happy to work with your manager but you are the one who signs court documents under penalty of perjury and you will be held accountable. Even the parties to the reportedly most expensive California divorce ever back in 2009, billionaire couple Jamie and Frank McCourt, then owner of the LA Dodgers, were criticized by the trial judge for not being fully transparent with their personal expenses. You have to take responsibility for your life. If you are unable to explain your lifestyle, the more experienced family law judges will not be amused.

3. Look forward, not backwards. Celebrities, more than other clients, tend to get stuck on the angry and vindictive. If you want to take control over an emotional divorce, you must find a way to compromise. Let go of whatever wrong - real or perceived - your spouse had done to you. Letting go of the misery isn't easy. Divorce is gut-wrenching - especially when it involves your children. But realize that there is a life after divorce and, yes, it can be a better one. There are only two ways to handle a divorce. You can get divorced - or you can get divorced the smart way. To survive divorce with your sanity intact, you should take a high road even when your relationship has crumbled.

4. Leave the children out of it. Divorces and break ups can get messy, even ugly. With the children in the middle, divorces are much more drawn out and more damaging. For celebrity couples, large sums of money are involved in the payments of child support. In California, the more time a child support payor spends with the children, the less the amount of child support there will be to pay. It is bizarre to witness what some supposedly loving parents do to their children in the divorce case. It is almost inhuman. Subjecting your child to custody evaluation, attorney interview, a conversation with a judge in chambers is cruel and unloving.

5. Personal pet peeve: Because celebs are always on our radar, they should want to handle their break-ups like the stars that they are. Chances are that each spouse/partner has enough money to support him or herself. Don't fight for non-essentials. Be classy. Behave yourselves. Set the right example. Focus on the kids; make them feel that even when you, the grownups, are not together anymore, it is not the children's fault; make them feel loved still. And lastly, keep your dirty laundry away from media and social media. It is bad enough that divorce documents are public record; you should not add to it by posting your comments on Facebook or Instagram. It is, after all, no one's business but your own.