Family quarantines can unduly influence elders, constitute financial elder abuse

It's a crazy time. You're home with the kids. Your sister Roberta is taking care of mom half a state away and worries that mom won't outlive the virus. Roberta has bills and wonders if mom's estate plan leaves her enough money. You hope Roberta's not being too overbearing or eager about her inheritance, or maybe she's even taking early bites at the apple. But how would you know if she was?

After all, when people are sequestered together, as many of us find ourselves, the situation is ripe for influence and, quite often, undue influence and elder abuse.

While laws defining undue influence are clear, proving influence was undue can be much more obtuse and difficult, especially when the perpetrator is a family member. If you suspect your loved one was the victim of undue influence, here's what to look for.

What are undue influence and financial elder abuse?

Undue influence is most easily defined as pushing someone to do something they would not otherwise have chosen to do. The legal definition from the California Welfare and Institutions Code tracks similarly: "Excessive persuasion that causes another person to act or refrain from acting by overcoming that person's free will ... results in inequity."

Undue influence can be emotional, psychological or physical. It can be patent or latent. Its impact can be immediate, as in the case of lifetime gifts of money, personal property or real estate, or deferred, as in the case of an increased inheritance under a will or trust. And the abuser can be almost anyone: a spouse, child, neighbor, friend, parishioner, co-worker, caregiver, banker, financial advisor, contractor, roofer, plumber, dentist, accountant, chiropractor, doctor -- literally anyone.

They pressure their victim through threats, emotional abuse, screaming, badgering, withholding of affection, withholding of caregiving services, withholding medication or medical treatment, or, in the worst of cases, even physical abuse to secure a benefit the victim otherwise would not give them.

Textbook examples of undue influence routinely involve a new spouse, partner or friend who unduly influences someone to disinherit his or her own children; a child who unduly influences a parent to disinherit other children; a caregiver who unduly influences their patient to give them money or include them in their will or trust; and, ever more-increasingly, vendors (e.g., contractors, doctors, dentists, chiropractors, HVAC technicians, etc.) who overcharge elderly clients for services they don't need and at inflated prices, or even to become beneficiaries, trustees and executors of their will and trust and, even agents under a power of attorney.

When that undue influence involves a senior -- e.g. anyone over 65 -- it routinely also will qualify as financial elder abuse.

Signs of undue influence and financial elder abuse

Undue influence often results from subtle but consistent pressure by the abuser, and it can be easily missed if you are remote and unable to monitor your loved one's situation and relationships. Still, any of the following telltale signs of undue influence and elder abuse should tip you off that further investigation is warranted:

• Emergence of a "new friend" or suddenly interested family member;

• Dependency upon the abuser;

• Isolation from friends, family, or their social support system;

• Other changes in behavior, including appearance and overall well-being;

• Depression and withdrawal by the victim;

• Missed bill payments;

• Change in professional advisors (e.g. doctors, lawyers, financial advisors, etc.)

• Abuser's use or "borrowing" of the victim's financial assets;

• Psychological abuse, threats and intimidation;

• Physical violence, including threats of physical violence.

How do find out if a loved one is being victimized?

The best way to learn about your loved one's situation is to remain involved, however that is practical: telephone calls, text message, FaceTime, Zoom, socially distanced visits, visits from neighbors and other friends, etc.

If your loved one is prevented from communicating, then a wellness check or other intervention may be needed. If you are able to communicate with them, ask difficult and sensitive questions about their finances, whether bills are being paid, if they are ok financially, etc. Ask to assist with paying their bills and overseeing whoever else might be "helping" with their finances. Ask if there are other things you can do to help, like send food, make appointments with friends and other family members.

Finally, ask questions! Keep the conversations flowing. Often, little more is needed than for a victim to make off the cuff remarks that reveal disturbing details of their abuse. The bottom line: be involved and stay involved.

What do you do if you suspect undue influence and financial elder abuse?

The old adage, "see something, say something," applies here. If you suspect undue influence or other financial abuse. you have several options. One, contact your local adult protective services, which will perform a wellness check. Although most adult protective services organizations lack the resources to stop repeated abuse, their efforts can be helpful in your future efforts to protect your loved one.

Two, contact the local authorities and ask them to perform a wellness check. While many authorities may respond that such issues are civil and not police matters, they generally will perform a wellness check, which again can be helpful in your future efforts.

Third, seek to intercept the abuser's undue influence. Depending on your circumstances, and being remote, this may be difficult if not impossible.

Fourth, seek court intervention. Although the courts are closed for normal business, they remain open for emergency conservatorships and other petitions aimed at protecting our elders.

How do I prove undue influence and financial elder abuse?

Generally, and while there are exceptions, you will have the burden of proving undue influence and financial elder abuse. What this means is that you will need to gather evidence of the facts highlighted above and be prepared to present that evidence, whether to adult protective services, the police, or a court.

Facts, not emotion, are key. While these are emotional issues, and rightfully so, stick to facts that show how your loved one is being taken advantage of and why they need protection from the abuser. A clear, concise and exacting description will help those from whom you are seeking help understand why they should and how they can help. 