The grief they carry

"50 % had a friend seriously wounded or killed; 45 % saw dead or seriously wounded civilians; 10% required hospitalization for injuries."

-- Presentation by VA's Brian L. Meyer, PhD

We are becoming familiar with the terms post-traumatic stress disorder, traumatic brain injury and military sexual trauma. But even when a veteran has not been diagnosed with PTSD, TBI or MST, he or she may be experiencing grief. Not just ordinary grief, but weighty grief resulting from something that happened while serving or transitioning back to civilian life. The vet might have lost a colleague in combat or to suicide. Or, maybe the vet is upset for doing or not doing an act in the military.

After Vietnam, there was a widespread lack of appreciation for the service performed by our troops. In fact, some chapters of the American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars would not accept Vietnam vets as members. That's why Vietnam Veterans of America was formed. None of us want a repeat of that despicable treatment of our returning service members. One way for judges and lawyers to show appreciation to our veterans is to simply understand that, in addition to whatever their legal problem, many are carrying around a lot of grief.

Grief Comes in All Shapes

A Ranger who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan bemoaned the loss of his friend who was killed in combat: "We sat in a hooch in Afghanistan, talking about our plans once we got out. He told me he wanted to be a Border Patrol Agent and join the Special Operations, because they do badass stuff."

An Army company commander in Iraq spoke about a comrade who had been killed by a sniper while escorting a convoy just outside Baghdad. As the convoy cleared the scene after the ambush, the soldier who was killed jumped out of the armored Humvee because he had forgotten to record the bumper number of a truck that was destroyed. The company commander said, "This hit me like a kick in the gut. Had I done anything like this already? Was I going to get one of my soldiers killed having my own brain fart?"

A Marine who fought in Fallujah shot six of the enemy. He later said, "I'll never tell anybody. 'Cause I'm not proud of killing people."

A Marine commando spoke about his emotions on his flight home from a mountain camp where he spent 2 1/2 years turning Afghan villagers into soldiers. He was thinking about the many villagers lost in combat. They were his friends and he felt vitally connected to them. Afghan fighters had escorted him on the seven-hour drive to the U.S. base for his flight. The Marine turned his head away from the others on the plane and sobbed.

A Desert Storm Marine watched his best friend get killed. "Just as soon as he hit the sand I had to put it out of my mind. We were under fire and I had other men to keep alive. I tried not to think about it until the war was over. Then it ended and his death hit me like a ton of brinks."

A Vietnam vet described the loss of a comrade. "I couldn't remember his name for years and years, the one who asked to switch missions with me. His name was Chuck. I found his name on The Wall and with tears running down my face, I reminded a ghost who I was and where we had met."

Gap in Grief Research

Roxane Cohen Silver, a professor of psychological science at the University of California, Irvine, found that grief in veterans of our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq has been largely overlooked. The professor told an interviewer, "Our study of responses by U.S. veterans to combat and suicide loss tells a rich story about a previously unexplored consequence of war." Along with Public Health Professor Pauline Lubens, Silver authored an article for the Social Science & Medical journal about grief among our returning soldiers. The article says that as the number of troops killed in action has declined, the military suicide rate has at times surpassed the rate of casualties.

The professors opine that grief in veterans of our recent wars may have the same status that post-traumatic stress disorder did in the aftermath of the Vietnam War. Very little research had been done studying grief among military personnel who lost comrades in battle. And now, as a consequence of the increase in military suicide, our service members and veterans are suffering from the loss of buddies who kill themselves as well as those lost in combat. The article laments the gap in research studies, pointing out that we know "virtually nothing" about post-9/11 veterans' grief responses to losing comrades -- especially to suicide.

Regarding a soldier's reaction to the loss of a comrade, does it matter whether the person died in combat or from suicide? Probably. Studies in the civilian community show that the loss of a loved one from suicide results in greater guilt, perception of responsibility, anger and a sense of abandonment. And soldiers of the post-9/11 generation have been part of a battle buddy system. The idea is to pair each troop with an assigned best friend, and each keeps an eye on the other. They become very close. Everyone has someone to talk them out of darkness. Journalist Sebastian Junger described the brotherhood in war concept, "The willingness to die for another person is a form of love, and is a profound and essential part of the experience."

Lubens and Silver concluded it was easier for soldiers to accept the loss of comrades in combat than by suicide. They wrote, "Combat death is expected and eases the acceptance. Suicide death is unexpected and that can make the acceptance a lot harder."

Why Judges and Lawyers Need to Look for Signs of Grief in Parties Who Are Veterans

California has about 10% of all our country's veterans. The chances of a veteran going to a lawyer or appearing in court are probable. Plus, the California Legislature has been quite active in passing statutes that concern service members and military veterans.

Part of the Fair Employment and Housing Act, Government Code Section 12920 makes the practice of discrimination because of veteran or military status in housing accommodations and employment against public policy, and Section 12921 says the opportunity for them to obtain housing and hold employment without discrimination is a civil right. Whatever the housing or employment problem, a veteran's grief over something associated with military service may somehow be relevant. Another FEHA statute, Section 12926(o), states that veteran or military status includes a person who is associated with a veteran. Thus, it's at least possible a grieving family member could somehow be involved in litigation. See Castro-Ramirez v. Dependable Highway Express, Inc., 2 Cal. App. 5th 1028 (2016).

Re-entry into marriage, family, jobs and the community presents challenges for returning soldiers, especially those who face additional deployments. Actions that are expected and ordinary in the military are sometimes unacceptable in civilian life. Returning to intimacy within a marriage may be a problem for a veteran grieving over something that happened in the military. Thus, marital difficulties arise.

Issues with children are common as the service member has not been able to fully engage with them while deployed. Passed after we were fighting in Iraq for a few years, Family Code Section 3047 creates a presumption that when a parent's absence is due to a deployment or change of assignment in the military, the parent's failure to visit, by itself, is insufficient to justify a modification of a custody or visitation order. Nonetheless, some courts refuse to reinstate pre-deployment custody orders. See E.U. v. J.E., 212 Cal. App. 4th 1377 (2012).

Conclusion

Unlike times in the past, today's public is not that familiar with issues concerning our service members and veterans, especially when they transition back into civilian life. If those in the legal system are somewhat acquainted with what vets face, it may tend to make their transition into and adjustment to civilian life a bit easier.

It is likely any veteran who saw combat or lost a colleague through combat or suicide is carrying around grief in excess to what most people carry. A member of Iraq & Afghanistan Veterans of America wrote on IAVA's website: "I can remember walking down the street as a child and trying to run out my shadow, because it would not leave me alone ... Many veterans and military members have the shadows of their lost battle buddies, survivor's guilt and pain, as well as the trauma of sexual assault and harassment as their constant shadows."

A veteran's grief might have to do with something beyond the ken of most civilians. As an example, I carry grief about shots of penicillin I gave to soldiers with punji stick wounds. Those sticks, buried by the enemy after being dipped in human feces, snapped up and dug into the meaty part of the calf, causing nasty infections. "Can you skip this one, Lieutenant?" or "Why don't you dilute it?" were common requests. I always pretended the guys were just joking and responded with something like, "Turn over, soldier, and assume the position." Had I skipped or diluted the shot, the infection might have resulted in their being sent out of country to a more sophisticated far away facility... to safety. To this day, I don't know if any of those young men, who returned to the jungle after I "cured" them, ended up being killed.

The benefit I always had was that everyone seemed to appreciate the nurses. But the public largely scorned our returning Vietnam soldiers, so they didn't get that appreciation benefit.

Whatever the legal issue involved, when a veteran interacts with the legal system, judges and lawyers should extend those vets the appreciation benefit. They could demonstrate their appreciation for the vet's service by simply understanding these men and women may be carrying grief from their service in addition to their legal problem.