Seven rules from Barbie for female litigators practicing in the real world

The Barbie movie is a strange movie, where Barbieland is filled with positive female energy, and the men are ranked as superfluous. When Barbie starts to develop human qualities, she voyages to The Real World in search of a solution. She and Ken discover that The Real World is backwards, because construction sites are filled with catcalling men instead of strong, cheerful women, and a billboard of bathing suit beauties is not a group photo of the Supreme Court.

After being asked by Mattel to "get back in your box," Barbie and her two human friends escape back to Barbieland. They discover that Ken has returned first, and has infected Barbieland with the patriarchy he brought from The Real World. Barbie is shocked to find the Barbieland President frolicking on the beach while subserviently serving beer to the Kens. The previously designer-perfect Dreamhouses are filled with monster trucks, loud music and beer parties. The Barbies devise and execute a plan for the Barbies to regain their power. The film puts a hot spotlight on the misogynistic culture in America.

The movie resonated with me, causing me to reflect on my career as a female trial lawyer in America. I have worked my entire career as a litigator, but the ugly truth is that the path for female lawyers in America in The Real World is not the same as the path for male lawyers. And don't even get me started on race, disability and gender identity. That's a whole different column.

In 1995, fresh out of a prestigious federal clerkship, I argued my first Motion for a Preliminary Injunction in the Writs and Receivers Department in the Los Angeles Superior Court. I was 28 years old, beautiful, with long hair, a well-tailored suit, and good makeup. My argument and evidence were solid. The injunction should have been granted. The judge shot me down, denying the request for emergency relief for my tenant clients who lived in a building that could burn down at any second. The children who lived there stuffed cotton in their ears at night to avoid cockroaches from nesting. You all may remember this slum. It was owned by Milton Avol, the notorious slumlord who was once imprisoned by a judge in his own building, and inspired a Hollywood movie starring Joe Pesci called "The Super." Despite a pile of strong declarations, the judge got it decidedly wrong: "Why is it an emergency now? They have been living in these dangerous conditions for months?" I turned to the name-partner of my law firm: "When will I be taken seriously?" After all, I was always going to be a small, brown-skinned woman. My mentor said, "Being underestimated is going to be a powerful weapon of yours. Get underestimated. They'll never see you coming." I am now a partner in a prestigious law firm where I live in a safe bubble with colleagues that treat me with respect and admiration. I have won my fair share of trials, but the underestimation from judges, opposing counsel, and even mediators have never fully waned in this often misogynistic land of The Real World.

Just last week, a retired U.S. Magistrate Judge and former DOJ attorney told me how ridiculous I was being for not advising my client to accede to one of the most absurd requests I have ever heard proposed in a mediation. When "Your Honor" tried to convince me by recounting his experience as a judge and a former prosecutor to persuade me (this is not a persuasive approach, BTW), I was reminded that the fight against entrenched misogyny is nowhere from over in The Real World.

The Barbie Movie reminded me of all the strategies that we, as women, must use in The Real World, even as powerful female litigators. So, here are my Seven Rules for the Female Litigator, straight out of Barbieland.

1. Take a compliment: In Barbieland, the Barbies frequently shower each other with compliments: "You are so smart!" "You are so beautiful." Barbie responds with a smile and an enthusiastic, "Thank You!" In The Real World, women tend to be Self-Effacing Barbie, downplaying and almost apologizing when we are complimented. Take a page from Barbie's playbook, and when someone compliments your work, your writing, your argument, or even your purse or shoes, follow Barbie's lead: own and acknowledge that compliment with a smile and a direct "Thank You."

2. Be beautiful: In 2009, I was living in Bozeman, Montana and had run to Washington, D.C. to present an argument before the Trademark Trials and Appeals Board. The only suit available at the local Macy's had me outfitted as "Frumpy Barbie." The black formless suit I wore before the TTAB would have sent Barbie and Elle Woods from Legally Blond into a deep depression. Things have changed. Female lawyers wear beautiful dresses, suits, and carry nice bags and briefcases. Barbie reminds us to consider our styling. Don't be afraid to be beautiful, wear nice things, do your makeup and be yourself. In Barbieland, Barbie is always suitably styled, whether she is the President of Barbieland, a doctor, or a construction worker. Whether she is Stereotypical Barbie, gay, trans, disabled, or a person of color, Barbie is not afraid to be her own beautiful self.

3. Create allies: When Ken carries patriarchy from The Real World to Barbieland, female power is decimated. Barbie creates a plan and alliances to topple Kendom and regain power. The lesson here is that no matter how paralyzing circumstances can be, we should never go it alone. Create alliances with other lawyers, clients, staff, witnesses and even judges. Going it alone as a female lawyer is a tough road. We have the ability, however, to create alliances and move towards common goals.

4. Take a breather to regroup: When Barbie realizes that Ken has ruined Barbieland, she lies her plastic body down on the floor and becomes immobile from action. As litigators, our jobs are often a grind. We face personal and professional challenges and losses. Coupled with our family responsibilities, the pressure can be debilitating. So, give yourself permission to rest, to regroup, to take a nap, to sleep on it, and take a vacation - all to get some perspective, hatch a plan, and spring back with enthusiasm. Sometimes, laying on the floor like Barbie did is just what we need as a breather.

5. Use your loud voice: Barbieland President, having regained her senses after the temporary chauvinistic takeover, gives the Kens a piece of her mind when he complains about Barbie's house being returned to its original glory. She responds with her loud voice: "That's because they're Dreamhouses, Mother<@&er!" While there is a time and space to listen intently, and a time to be gracious, there is also a time and space to use your voice, sometimes loudly. I recently experienced both sexism and racism in the courtroom for the first time in my 29 years as a litigator. I must have been living in my own Pollyanna World, because I had never noticed being subjected to these evils in a courtroom. Supported by my firm, I wrote a brief that had me in tears as I culled the offending remarks and conduct from the transcript. Part of my core values is to use my voice and skills, not just for myself, but for all others who would be affected. After 29 years as a litigator, I learned that some people in The Real World listen only after you use The Loud Voice.

6. Replace fear with stellar work: In The Real World, we often capitulate to the male patriarchy because they are often in charge of our careers, our families, our firms, and our daily life. Take center stage. Move confidently and bravely into the space you are meant to occupy and dismantle the traditional barriers that have kept us from achieving our goals. If this means studying harder and researching more so that your position and credentials cannot be questioned, then do it. Of the 115 justices that have served on the Supreme Court of the United States, only six ever have been women. Four are currently serving. We must fearlessly increase this momentum and keep reaching for greatness, despite the entrenched and institutional obstacles, because "Si Se Puede!"

7. Be emotional: In one scene, Lawyer Barbie gives a rousing speech about her ability to combine reason and emotion. She states confidently that by doing so, her argument is amplified, not diminished. Being emotional is not a bad thing. Indeed, a deeper understanding of human emotion would serve all lawyers well, particularly when combined with reason and logic. How many times have we as women been accused of "being emotional," as if that was a bad thing? Or my favorite is when a man tells us to "be reasonable," as if women are not reasonable when they use emotion as part of a negotiation, case, or argument. Frankly, the male lawyers who resort to this paternalistic directive are often much more emotional, reactive and angry than any female lawyer I have ever encountered. So, when a man accuses me of "being emotional," I smile, and enthusiastically say, "Thank You!"